Thursday, June 10, 2010

Hard to break the cycle...

While yesterday started off really good, it took a bad turn later in the day. I saw some very recent pictures of me, and I was horrified. All I can see is how huge I look in every picture. I tried to focus on my face, hoping to at least like some of the pictures, but all that did was make me realize how fat my face it. All I see is a double chin, flabby arms and a big stomach.

And what did I do?  I immediately walked from the computer to the fridge. I talked myself into eating to make me feel better. Oddly, my sister and I were just talking about that during the afternoon; about how we both turn to food for comfort and that is the hardest part of losing weight and keeping it off. I need to find a better way to handle this. As I was eating the giant bagel, I kept thinking I shouldn't be eating this, I should go for a walk to clear my head. One part of me was saying "if you don't like how you look in those pics, then exercise so you won't look like that anymore" while another part was saying "just go ahead and eat, it'll make you feel better."

And the eating did not stop. I was feeling sick to my stomach, but I kept eating because I was hoping that at some point, it would make me feel better. All it did was upset me further and distend my stomach. At least I had the sense not to go to the grocery store while that upset.
Alas, today is another day, and another chance to make better choices. 

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