This was a tough week for me emotionally. I'm kinda freaked out about turning 30 on Friday. I wanted to get a new dress or something really cute to wear (shopping usually calms me down). I went to 5 different stores and tried on at least 30 dresses only to discover that I'm in an awkward stage; I'm in between sizes. The mediums were just a touch too small and the larges were like moo moos on me. I don't really care about the size (I can cut the tag off if it bothers me that much), but what I was getting frustrated at is that two items (capri jeans and a skirt), from the same manufacturer (Old Navy), in the same size (yeah, I'm not saying that number), were completely different fits! The skirt was too big in the waist and too tight on the thighs (how in the hell does that happen!? Who has a bigger waist than their thighs!?) and the capris wouldn't even come up over my hips! [insert confused Scooby Doo noise]
I came home, very frustrated to say the least. I calmed myself down by reminding myself that my body isn't the problem, it's the fucking manufacturers. I can understand that the sizes differ from one designer to the next, but within the same company?? That is just ridiculous!
I went out again yesterday, and tried on more dresses and clothes. I wasn't terribly upset in the fitting room, but I made a very important discovery: paisley print + size D chest = BAD IDEA! They were like freakin' amoebas on steroids!!
I found a cute skirt, a pair of shorts and a couple tops. I went to the bra department to treat myself to a new bra, and every freaking bra was a padded one that "maximizes your cleavage!" Yeah, I don't need any help in that department, thank you. I asked the sales girls (skinny and flat chested) if there were any bras that weren't padded. Her response was "not really, I mean we have those big Bali's over there that aren't padded but those are for, like, really big boobs." [insert teeth grinding].
I didn't buy a new bra, but I bought the other clothes. When I came home, all excited (I'd mentally killed the Skinny Lingerie Idiot), I tried the clothes on and nearly cried, yet again. Aren't you supposed to look better in your own mirror without the fluorescent lighting? Everything I tried on again, that looked good 30 minutes ago, looked awful. I'm still not sure if that was my mind playing tricks on me or if it was reality, either way, I took the clothes off and marched straight to the fridge.
I found myself sinking into an old pattern, and was actually conscious of what I was doing! Fortunately, I don't have any really crappy, instant food in the house anymore, so I wasn't able to do too much damage. I was able to shut up the voice that told me to "go ahead and get some McDonald's, you'll feel better," and I called my sister, who is well versed in my meltdowns and knows how to handle me.
To make matters worse, when I was hanging up the clothes, I whacked my ankle on the bed frame really hard and it was swollen. Great, now I'm in pain physically and emotionally. Yipee.
I stayed home, no run for obvious reasons, and I made a healthy dinner and had my WW ice cream to cheer me up. I knew I had to weigh in today, so I made sure I didn't blow it. While I don't feel good exactly, I feel good about the choices I made yesterday, and the fact that I'm recognizing my emotional eating behaviors.
So for today's lucky numbers:
1. June 23, 2010 - start week 4
2. 1.2 pounds lost this week
3. 6.4 pounds lost total!
4. Current weight: 184.4
On a brighter note, my ankle feels better, and I'm off for a run!